Two and a Half Men: Season 9

2011
24 episodes

A new chapter begins when internet billionaire Walden Schmidt moves in, bringing fresh energy, wealth, and more absurd adventures to the Malibu household.

Season 9 of Two and a Half Men premiered on September 19, 2011 and has 24 episodes, from "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt" to "Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!". The last episode aired on May 14, 2012.

Where to watch Two and a Half Men

In the United States, you can stream Two and a Half Men on Peacock, Philo, YouTube TV and USA Network. You can also buy it on Amazon Video, Apple TV Store, Google Play Movies and Fandango At Home. It is on streaming services in 127 countries.

Where to watch

Episodes

Episode 1Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtAired September 19, 2011
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Jennifer Bini Taylor Chelsea
- Melanie Lynskey Rose
- Jenna Elfman Frankie
- Jeri Ryan Sherri
- Katherine LaNasa Lydia
- Joel Murray Doug
Episode 2People Who Love PeepholesAired September 26, 2011
Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Eddie Gorodetsky, Jim Patterson, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Stephanie Jacobsen Penelope
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 3Big Girls Don't Throw FoodAired October 3, 2011
Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Andrew J.B. Aronsohn
Guest stars
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Nicole J. Butler Mother
- Amira Elliby Six year-old girl
- Emile Ballard Toddler
- Ryan Stiles Herb
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 4Nine Magic FingersAired October 10, 2011
Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Grady Lee Richmond Elmer
- Jenny McCarthy Courtney
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 5A Giant Cat Holding a ChurroAired October 17, 2011
Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by David Richardson, Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Lee Aronsohn
Guest stars
- Nikki Novak Naomi
- Nicholas Gonzalez Baker
- Katie Stegeman Malibu Volleyball Player
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 6The Squat and HoverAired October 24, 2011
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by David Richardson, Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Lee Aronsohn
Guest stars
- Joe Manganiello Alex
- Monika Smith Kiki
- Shon Little Cashier
- Jane Lynch Dr. Linda Freeman
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt/Danny
Episode 7Those Fancy Japanese ToiletsAired October 31, 2011
Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
- 19m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Eddie Gorodetsky
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Macey Cruthird Megan
Episode 8Thank You for the IntercourseAired November 7, 2011
When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Susan McMartin, Jim Patterson and Eddie Gorodetsky
Guest stars
- Taylor Cole Melanie Laughlin
- Amanda Schull Alicia
- Zaid Farid James
- Michael Bailey Smith Dave
- Brian Keith Russell Thomas
- Macey Cruthird Megan
- Rebecca McFarland Leanne
Episode 9Frodo's HeadshotsAired November 14, 2011
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by David Richardson, Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Gary Busey Gary Busey
- Vernee Watson Nurse Phyllis
- Nicole Steinwedell Veronica Hastings
- Macey Cruthird Megan
- Ryan Stiles Herb
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesAired November 21, 2011
Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Lee Aronsohn
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Jonathan Banks Sid
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
Episode 11What a Lovely Landing StripAired December 5, 2011
Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Melanie Lynskey Rose
- Jeff Staron Barista
- Karen Y. McClain Chrissy
- Robert Clotworthy Pilot (voice)
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 12One False Move, Zimbabwe!Aired December 12, 2011
Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Jane Carr Sharon
- Jim Piddock Edward
- John Pirruccello Policeman (voice)
- Mimi Rogers Robin Schmidt
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 13Slowly and in a Circular FashionAired January 2, 2012
Walden's ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Lee Aronsohn
Guest stars
- Chuck Lacey Martin
- Mimi Rogers Robin Schmidt
- Michael Medico Bartender
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 14A Possum on ChemoAired January 16, 2012
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Susan McMartin, Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Travis Van Winkle Dylan
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 15The Duchess of Dull-in-SackAired February 6, 2012
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Matthew Marsden Nigel
- Sonia Jackson Andrea
- Hira Ambrosino Kim
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Talyan Wright Ava
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
Episode 16Sips, Sonnets and SodomyAired February 13, 2012
Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
- 20m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 17Not in My Mouth!Aired February 20, 2012
Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
- 19m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Matthew Marsden Nigel
- Sara Erikson Jennifer
- Robert Clotworthy Pilot (voice)
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 18The War Against GingivitisAired February 27, 2012
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Patton Oswalt Billy Stanhope
- Rebecca McFarland Leanne
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
Episode 19Palmdale, EchAired March 19, 2012
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Georgia Engel Jean
- Brian Stepanek Arthur
- Caitlin Harris Lauren
- Christina Scherer Jenny
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 20Grandma's PieAired April 9, 2012
Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn and Chuck Lorre
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Georgia Engel Jean
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Talyan Wright Ava
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Judy Greer Bridget Schmidt
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 21Mr. Hose Says "Yes"Aired April 16, 2012
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson, Don Reo and Eddie Gorodetsky
Guest stars
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Talyan Wright Ava
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 22Why We Gave Up WomenAired April 30, 2012
Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Kathy Bates Charlie Harper
- Vernee Watson Nurse Lorna
- Eddie Shin Dr. Kim
- Abbie Cobb Gabby
- Abby Walker Lady #2
- Jacqueline Lord Lady #1
Episode 23The Straw in My Donut HoleAired May 7, 2012
Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn't so sure it's deserved.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Jim Patterson, Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn and Susan Beavers
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Jason Alexander Dr. Goodman
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy
- Alicia Hannah-Kim Lotus
- Sophie Winkleman Zoey
- Courtney Thorne-Smith Lyndsey Mackelroy
Episode 24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!Aired May 14, 2012
Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.
- 21m
- Directed by James Widdoes
- Written by Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Jim Patterson and Don Reo
Guest stars
- Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
- Marin Hinkle Judith Melnick
- Patton Oswalt Billy Stanhope
- Chase Austin Slacker #1
- Ryan Heinke Slacker #2
- Alem Brhan Sapp Drill Sergeant
- Richard Whiten Sergeant Preston
- Graham Patrick Martin Eldridge Mackelroy